Postscript to Last Post: Parental Alienation

I just stumbled on something related to my last post, something that wasn’t even looking for, and I didn’t realize had a name: parental alienation. It occurs in a divorce when a parent manipulates a child into siding with (or only spending time) them and excluding the other. One parent might suggest that the other isn’t to be trusted. My mom did our visitation with my father, making sure the visits were brief and in “safe locations.”  It all seems so crazy now, because there was no basis to the claim, and I missed out on spending more time with my dad.

Parental Alienation is a stain on what might’ve been my best clothes. Though I wish I could’ve been more for my dad, it wasn’t really in my abilities at the time, age twelve. Although I was naturally timid and withdrawn, my father became as a subject to be feared; my mother use it as a punishment, “Why don’t you go ahead and live with John!” When my mother’s lips, traded “your father” for “John,” on my own lips “dad” began sounding odd.

There’s no way to change the past but sometimes we can learn from it, and perhaps, help others who might have gone (or be going) through some of the same things. Here are the articles I found on the website for Psychology Today:

The Impact of Parental Alienation on Children

Caught Between Parents: Alienation is Abuse

Advertisements

11 comments on “Postscript to Last Post: Parental Alienation

  1. I suffered parent alienation when my parents divorced (I was four yrs old) and my father kept me from my mother. I was not able to attempt to reconnect with her until I was an adult. I am writing my memoir, which covers the extreme alienation at the hands of my father, my lonely teenage years, and my attempts to reconnect with my mother as an adult. PAS is terribly unfair and harmful, and I am sorry you have gone through this. You may want to check out Richard Warshaks books or website.

  2. […] Parental Alienation (happilytiffany.wordpress.com) […]

  3. Thanks for your comment! Look forward to reading more from you. Gotta keep up with finals right now but I’m looking forward to writing more about my life soon…

  4. Thanks also for the book recommendation, I checked out Richard Warshaks on Amazon and now he’s on my to-read list.

  5. what a journey to go through. But its great to keep learning and processing. Wishing you a great year ahead. cheers

  6. I was posting a story I wrote on my blog, or actually reposting a story to my new blog and it had to do with PAS. I was surprised to see a post come up. I was my children’s world before I divorced their emotionally abusive father. He took them on a two week vacation and they haven’t had a relationship with me since. There was literally no relationship between them and their father before this. It’s been 18 years. I am currently writing a memoir and telling my story. The silence hurts far too much to keep it in any longer. I look forward to reading more. I am so glad you see the alienation because most do not, at least until it is very late and sometimes the parent they were alienated from has passed away. Studies are hard to do because children (no matter the age) do not realize they are being alienated and to finally admit the alienation means they have to also admit that the parent they trusted betrayed them. Donna
    http://www.mylifeonestoryatatime.com

    • Hi Donna,
      I came across some interesting studies on PAS while searching the library database, will share with some thoughts in another post soon. Thanks for sharing your story. Look forward to reading more on your site.
      -Tiffany

  7. Thanks for the comment. And same to you, Mimi!

  8. […] Parental Alienation (happilytiffany.wordpress.com) […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s