“As men of the world, we hardly know of the existence of the inner world: we barely remember dreams, and make little sense of them when we do…” – R. D. Laing
Experience in our waking hours can only take us so many places, and only in one direction in time. Like a movie or a novel, dreams can tell stories, make connections that we may not have seen before, travel to places we’re not normally able to go.
I believe in the significance of dreams, so be warned. If you believe dreams to be irrelevant, their connection to our waking minds too tenuous, then skip this post. If you, like me, value your dreams and their ability to say something significant, then read on.
Last night, I dreamed that I was visiting someplace new, a large building with many people. Soon, the building was taken hostage by criminals bent on making a profit out of the many of people they had hostage. At first everyone was fearful. One or two killed even. But that feeling of fear didn’t last. Like Stockholm syndrome, we came to appreciate positive qualities of our captors. In fact, a lot of the captives came to prefer their captivity to their lives outside. (Inside, we had community and didn’t have to work. A few of us were hiding in an attic, so the criminals didn’t discover us for a while. Up there, a small group of us enjoyed having our own conversations, and spied on the criminal’s conversations below, and they didn’t seem so bad anyway.)
Due to some very odd zoning rules, something made this building off-bounds from military to come in and rescue us. Towards the end of the dream, the military negotiated so that groups of us could come out for paperwork, and go back in. Our rescuers also had a paper hidden amidst the other papers, reminding us that life was better outside. That was their strategy. To convince us that life outside was better and we should try to escape. In other words, it was all on us. We could escape, but if we got killed in the process from not following our armed captor’s orders, it was on us. We had to be each convinced that our lives outside were better and we should fight to get those lives back. Many were brainwashed or not convinced. But some were quickly shaken to reality and attempted to escape.
As several tried to get out, there was an explosion, one struck dead, but most attempting escape got out.
I tried to escape too. But in this part of the dream, I was not a grown up but a child. In my escape, I found a hidden, unusual path, and I was unseen, both by my captors and by those intending to rescue me. I made my way over to the bunker where the military buzzed with purpose of rescuing, but nobody seemed to notice my entrance. I was dirty, in the same clothes that I had to live in for weeks. Though I was subject this captivity, and safe now, I would have to speak up and explain myself to be restored to my life. I hung there, uncertain of what to say. And that’s where my dream stopped.
Where Do We Go From Here?
I can easily pick up on the significance of the dream.
One aspect was the captors. I think in some way, in society, many of us are unintentionally culpable for injustices. For the rescuers, many problems like that in the world–those that we can’t seem to reach–we’re aware of, but can’t fix. Martin Luther King Jr. wrote, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”
I also have a personal application for my dream.
In my life, I was homeschooled. Or sort of homeschooled, but mostly neglected. Due to laws in many states, parents are free to “homeschool” without any accountability, when some parents use it as way to hide abuse–holding children and young adults captive to lives without education and with harmful dynamics, abuse, neglect. Yet many of these same young people who are supposed to be “Homeschooled” have no one on their side. If they can read, they are held responsible for their own education, their own “escape.” Also, like the Stockholm Syndrome, we captives can’t see our abusers as such because they are our parents. When we do realize that our upbringing is captivity, and captivity is harmful, most of us have to overcome by our own wits. For me, it was my teenage years when I realized I had to start (by my own powers of reading/studying) making something of myself.
Just like the escapee in my dream, for a while, it felt like nobody realized that I’d escaped. Nobody knew, nobody could see, what I had lost (an education, socialization, a normal life)–nobody but me. In essence, I was uncounted. Either out, or in, it didn’t matter to anybody.
Of course, just like in the dream, until I speak of the escape, no one can know of this captivity. Nobody is to know what fears I braved, what passages I came through, and what I’m braving still, until I share my journey.